So I think that this year may be the first year that I am truly beginning to realize my dreams. I will leave out short-lived childhood dreams, because I’m sure I filled lots of them in the quick imaginative ways that children do. I don’t mean to make them sound unimportant; in a way they’re the most important ones, it’s just that I don’t very clearly remember them.
It feels really great to finally say “Screw you, fears! I’m doing it.” And yes, the bouts of fear sometimes come tumbling over me like waves one after another, almost knocking me down and pulling me under, but I’ve managed to keep my breath for the most part in this past year. Sure, it gets difficult, but I’m learning to keep the focus on the dreams and get back into it when I slack instead of beating myself up and sinking down low.
I’m so excited for what’s coming next! New place, new people, new space, new environment, new ways for me to express myself and relate to others. Yeah, there are some scary things in there. Ugh. Meeting new people. Not knowing anyone in a new place. Being in a house with only a boy who sometimes drives me out of my mind (but who I love!)…Scary stuff, but it’s like all of these new doors are going to open and my vision will be so much wider.
So, one of the big dreams that I’m finally realizing is art. Doing art. Living art. Creating it every day instead of imagining it and dreaming about it. Art school. Finally. Coming. Hopefully. I am so excited about the thoughts of it being “real” and the thoughts of sharing my creativity with people who can help me grow and evolve as an artist.
I’ve taken so many paths that have lead me away from being an artist, and it feels right to now be on the path to being one. And if it doesn’t work out at least I will know how to invoke creative sparks in my life at as many turns as possible.
Right now, first step, coming up soon – Art on the Avenue. I’m going to actually (hopefully – ha ha) sell some things that I’ve created. I’m so excited about this, but I have to admit it’s a bit intimidating to put myself out there like that. I’m sure that, to a certain degree, I will unfortunately tend to hold back a bit in terms of what I put out there, but I’ll try to let go.
That’s all for now. For today, I just want to create a yummy dinner. Red beans and rice and wine. Yum.
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