Posts from — November 2005

To whoever may be reading… what are you thankful for right now?

I guess I need to answer if I’m asking…
Sunny skies
A fun and funny family, despite all of our faults
Love in my life
My friends who I don’t see nearly enough of
The great animals in my life
Artists who inspire me (just a few off the top of my head are here and here and here and here and a bunch here)
Finding a little speck of creative success this year and, therefore, my creativity
Finding a place that I want to join and be part of
Good books, even if I never finish them
The basics that a lot of people don’t have (food, shelter, and beyond)
The gloaming light that falls down on one of those perfect evenings right before darkness moves in completely

Great quote:
Wisdom ceases to be wisdom when it becomes too proud to weep, too grave to laugh, and too selfful to seek other than itself.
– Kahlil Gibran

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Still so many thoughts and not enough focus.

This feeling needs to pass.

So glad it’s a short week, though everything feels weird.

I feel different, but achingly the same.

I think a change is about to happen; something big.

It’s probably going to hurt like hell and feel wonderful and heighten my awareness – open up my eyes. I’m sure fear will get in the way a bit so I’ll have to gently push it to the side.

But maybe I take it all away when I speak or write the words. Who knows?

The cold air this morning shocked me into my shell and it feels tough to leave now.

So cold outside and in it feels the same but different.

The pit is filling in but I’m not sure with what.

Tomorrow it will be that temporary filling of food and wine and conversation. Maybe some of those will be the real filling. The real thing. Though how do we know what’s real? So many things seems so different now… things change without our noticing and then it seems impossible to have it back the way it was, though I think that’s how life is supposed to happen. Change is good I know. It’s the fear that makes us fight it. We can’t get it back because it shouldn’t be that way usually.

I need to draw and write and paint. But nothing good is showing up on my paper and wood and cloth.

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
– Bertrand Russell

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November is International Drum Month… listen to some drums and feel the energy pulse around you and into you and out of you…

Art is long, and Time is fleeting,
And our hearts, though stout and brave,
Still, like muffled drums, are beating
Funeral marches to the grave.
– Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

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To create one’s world in any of the arts takes courage.
~Georgia O’Keeffe

I’m stuck. I have no ideas…can’t write, can’t create, can’t even think straight. I hate this. I know it will pass, but when? I have so many projects to work on and my ideas are crashing before they even fully form in my mind. Very frustrating. I am not taking it out in the best ways either… Ugh. I hope that getting through this week and getting all of my stuff together and priming my wood (for one project) will get the juices flowing. But I guess I need to not hope, need to just let go of the expectations and see what comes out. I may need to force myself to write for a day or two so that I can at least get something out! Whew. Exhausting.

3 things that make you happy:
creating something
great conversations that spark my soul and mind and heart
feeling at peace

2 things you looking forward to today:
beading with Allison
Reading in bed

2 long term things you looking forward to:
feeling at peace
finding my voice creatively

1 person you are going to appreciate:
Dave, for his many efforts at making things easy for me and for helping me out and for being patient and putting up with me

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After a futile and nasty argument (on email to top it all off!) about the Holidays and after jumping to conclusions and pulling out the claws, I feel upset and defeated.
Funny though, I happened to glance over at my Just for Today calendar right after sending off the last email of truce which I know is too late at this point….and this is what it said:

“I will concentrate on what’s at hand.”

Funny how often that little calendar says the perfect thing and how often I look at it at the perfect moment.

Started off the morning in the moment and enjoying everything. Walking down the hall at work, I was just enjoying my body and the movement and the smell of my tea lingering up toward my nose as I walked…completely in the moment. I’ll try to get back there now. Wait, there is no try. I’m there.

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