Posts from — August 2005

More MusikFest photos – during Railroad Earth’s set.

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So I think that this year may be the first year that I am truly beginning to realize my dreams. I will leave out short-lived childhood dreams, because I’m sure I filled lots of them in the quick imaginative ways that children do. I don’t mean to make them sound unimportant; in a way they’re the most important ones, it’s just that I don’t very clearly remember them.

It feels really great to finally say “Screw you, fears! I’m doing it.” And yes, the bouts of fear sometimes come tumbling over me like waves one after another, almost knocking me down and pulling me under, but I’ve managed to keep my breath for the most part in this past year. Sure, it gets difficult, but I’m learning to keep the focus on the dreams and get back into it when I slack instead of beating myself up and sinking down low.

I’m so excited for what’s coming next! New place, new people, new space, new environment, new ways for me to express myself and relate to others. Yeah, there are some scary things in there. Ugh. Meeting new people. Not knowing anyone in a new place. Being in a house with only a boy who sometimes drives me out of my mind (but who I love!)…Scary stuff, but it’s like all of these new doors are going to open and my vision will be so much wider.

So, one of the big dreams that I’m finally realizing is art. Doing art. Living art. Creating it every day instead of imagining it and dreaming about it. Art school. Finally. Coming. Hopefully. I am so excited about the thoughts of it being “real” and the thoughts of sharing my creativity with people who can help me grow and evolve as an artist.

I’ve taken so many paths that have lead me away from being an artist, and it feels right to now be on the path to being one. And if it doesn’t work out at least I will know how to invoke creative sparks in my life at as many turns as possible.

Right now, first step, coming up soon – Art on the Avenue. I’m going to actually (hopefully – ha ha) sell some things that I’ve created. I’m so excited about this, but I have to admit it’s a bit intimidating to put myself out there like that. I’m sure that, to a certain degree, I will unfortunately tend to hold back a bit in terms of what I put out there, but I’ll try to let go.

That’s all for now. For today, I just want to create a yummy dinner. Red beans and rice and wine. Yum.

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Went to MusikFest in Bethlehem last night to celebrate Marly’s graduation from college! Woo hoo. Real life. Er. Yup.

Well, a good time was had by all of us. Only got to hear one band, but it was a nice, mellow, relaxing night. Need more nights like that. Going to take Allison tonight. We are going to get out of the art room and go have fun!

Here are some photos from last night:

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Sorry for the lazy post, but I heard this song by Tom Waits for the first time this weekend and immediately fell in love with it. The imagery is amazing and the sound of the song is slow and sultry and mischievous and romantic. What a great song. I think that whole album is my new obsession.

Watch Her Disappear by Tom Waits

Last night I dreamed that I was dreaming of you
And from a window across the lawn I watched you undress
Wearing your sunset of purple tightly woven around your hair
That rose in strangled ebony curls
Moving in a yellow bedroom light
The air is wet with sound
The faraway yelping of a wounded dog
And the ground is drinking a slow faucet leak
Your house is so soft and fading as it soaks the black summer heat
A light goes on and the door opens
And a yellow cat runs out on the stream of hall light and into the yard
A wooden cherry scent is faintly breathing the air
I hear your champagne laugh
You wear two lavender orchids
One in your hair and one on your hip
A string of yellow carnival lights comes on with the dusk
Circling the lake with a slowly dipping halo
And I hear a banjo tango

And you dance into the shadow of a black poplar tree
And I watched you as you disappeared
I watched you as you disappeared

Listening to: Alice by Tom Waits
Reading: Brave New World by Aldous Huxley

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