into the dusk

the scent of her lingers::

sandalwood and resin with a smokey finish
temples overflowing with ginger and incense
warm forests of pine and earth
sea salt of baltic seas spilling amber out of her warm hands
soft patchouli necks and wrists
old oak casks of dry red wine
cloves and cinnamon with hints of vanilla
coconut and lavender and rosemary intermingling

::the scent of her lingers

Bukowski

“there is a place in the heart that
will never be filled

a space

and even during the
best moments
and
the greatest times
times

we will know it

we will know it
more than
ever

there is a place in the heart that
will never be filled
and

we will wait
and
wait

in that space.”

― Charles Bukowski

I want

I want a day of quiet.
I want to drink wine in a small village in Tuscany with my love.
I want to expand.
I want to live for a year in a seaside town in New England.
I want to get my hands dirty with paint and glue on a daily basis. In a studio (or a room) of my own.
I want to learn to play guitar. Really learn.
I want to make enough art, art that’s evolved and smart and thoughtful, to have a show.
I want to make enough money to provide financial comfort to our family.
I want ease in breath.
I want a deeper connection with my husband. Emotionally, physically, intellectually, creatively.
I want more connection in my life. Even if it’s not always easy.
I want to be more organized without feeling too regimented.
I want to be recognized.
I want to be heard.
I want to be appreciated.
I want to read more. Important books, not just novels.
I want to use words like pragmatic and panacea in everyday conversations.
I want to wake up filled with energy.
I want to not fear childbirth.
I want to learn the stories of my family members.
I want to travel more.
I want to know that I matter.
I want to get the thoughts out of my head and into actions and accomplishments.
I want to be more of an achiever.
I want to be a more patient and more present mother.
I want to be better.
I want to be who I dream to be. The me in my head.
I want to swim in the moonlight.
I want to dance in Mexico.
I want to paint in a cottage.
I want to live fully, breathing it all in, connecting to all around me.

What do you want?

From the depths of winter

Indira and I have been sick for over a week now. We’re both feeling a bit better today though still sniffly and not quite ready to face the world full on. Our refrigerator is on the empty side so we decided to make some muffins together. I started with this recipe for Pumpkin Muffins at Smitten Kitchen (whose recipes I LOVE) and took it from there. I used all organic ingredients, used less sugar, added a bit of brown sugar and maple syrup for a more complex flavor, added some ground flax seed, coconut, and raisins. This is what I ended up with and they came out delicious! Not too sweet, super moist, and flavorful.

Pumpkin Muffins with coconut and flax

Pumpkin Muffins with Flaxseed, Raisins, and Coconut

Adapted from Smitten Kitchen’s Pumpkin Muffins
1 1/2 cups white whole wheat flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 cup canned solid-pack pumpkin (from a 15 ounce can)
1/3 – 1/2 cup vegetable oil (somewhere in between, next time I’ll use applesauce)
2 large eggs
2 teaspoons pumpkin-pie spice (homemade)
1/2  cups sugar
2 Tbsp brown sugar
2 Tbsp maple syrup
2 Tbsp ground flaxseed
2 handfuls of unsweetened coconut
raisins (I just poured some in, use as much as you’d like; I prefer less than more)
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon cinnamon

Put oven in middle position and preheat oven to 350°F. Oil or spray 12 x muffin pan.

Whisk together pumpkin, oil, eggs, pumpkin pie spice, 1 1/4 cups sugar, brown sugar, flax, coconut, raisins, syrup, baking soda, baking powder, and salt in a large bowl until smooth, then whisk in flour until just combined.

Divide batter among muffin cups, then sprinkle tops with cinnamon-sugar mixture. Bake until puffed and golden brown and wooden pick or skewer inserted into the center of a muffin comes out clean, 25 to 30 minutes.

Pull out, set on plate, and enjoy! They are delicious!

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